Love is Braindead

Throughout my life, I've watched a lot of my friends go through shitty relationships, and I've watched the effect those relationships had on everyone else. It started with silly middle school relationships. Better yet, it started with silly middle school INTERNET relationships. Wtf is that shit? So the first person was being somewhat controlled by her boyfriend who lived like four hours away or something like that, and everyone got involved and it started a huge fight and majorly damaged their friendship with her. Then that ended and things got a bit better. Then someone else was dating this guy online who was obviously gay and openly talked about his love (and lust) for some other guy who was ALSO an internet friend. Cute right? She saw these things and was in major denial which is like...wtf. So everyone got involved in THAT and relationships with her were fucked for a while. Then that ended, and things went back to normal.

Then we move on to high school, and we can mostly erase the online boyfriend scenario. The last girl discussed finally starts dating this guy she's been pining for, which obviously involved a lot of drama before she got to that point. HE turns out to be the most controlling fuckass idiot on the planet, and btw the person I despise most in this world, and she can't see it. Even though she saw it with the other girls internet relationship. RETARDED right? They say love is blind. More like love is braindead. This goes on for ages. I can't even explain to you the extent of this relationship, it was so miserable. I lost my best friend for a decent amount of time because of it. She was miserable, we were miserable. I recall a fabulous day where three of us successfully created a list of 100 ways to torture and kill him. Yes, he was really that bad, and we really had that much time on our hands. So anyway, she's finally done with this relationship and he's still acting that way which I don't even GET but whatever. She's with someone way better now and we did salvage our friendship at some point. But after that, a third girl gets into a relationship with a dirty, smelly, lying, cheating, freshman. We are seniors at this point. Everyone TRIES to tolerate him for a while, but it doesn't really work out. He cheated. Constantly. With ugly skanky girls...a couple of whom MY stupid exboyfriend later hooked up with, actually. But I'm not getting into HIM right now. So this girl starts to have like zero self esteem and is getting kind of depressed. MY relationship with her stays in tact but a lot of others do not. Regardless, she fits into the "love is braindead" category as well, as she knows everything he's doing and stays with him. After watching two of her best friends go through similar horrible things previously. I'm not sure she's yet realized just how stupid it all was, but she has broken up with him and moved on finally. But now HER friend from college is dating this guy who apparently cheats on her a lot, and this friend wants to marry this guy. What the hell?! Not to mention the friend saw what she went through...idk.

My point is, I don't FUCKING GET IT. That is just a sample of what I've seen/experienced. I've fallen in the LiB category too momentarily, I will admit that. What kind of twisted minds...ugh >.< I can't even discuss it any further.



(SIDE NOTE: I mean no harm to any of these girls because they are all still my friends and the past is in the past. And the present drama I avoid. Or try to at least.)

(SIDE SIDE NOTE: I realize this was a confusing and difficult post to follow. Or it would be, if someone was reading it.)

(ONE MORE: I happen to love my current boyfriend very much and none of this relates to him whatsoever. Just...clarifying. Lol.)

I <3 ... Guts?

So yesterday, I was sitting in my room clicking my Stumble button and I came across a lovely website that sells plush guts.

Excuse me? I kid you not. IHeartGuts carries t-shirts, buttons, stickers, artwork, and yes - stuffed guts. Hearts, gallbladders, lungs, pancreases...All given faces and bright colors. What the hell? They're cute, I suppose...especially for internal organs. I don't know who buys these, but the idea itself is hilarious.

My personal favorite is the plush uterus. I'm not kidding. I want to buy this for my friends' birthdays, for mother's day, and I definitely want all my children to have their own stuffed uterus. Who doesn't?
Unfortunately, this item is on recall because the ovaries, if ripped off, can be a choking hazard to children. Can you imagine that 911 call? "My daughter ripped the ovaries off of her uterus and is choking on them. Please help!" Hahahaha.

Worry not, uterus lovers! This little guy will still be available for sale for adults only, and within the next year a child-friendly uterus will also be made available. Until then, you can still buy other organs for your little ones here.

My Friend, The Dude

So, as I mentioned in my introduction, I recently stopped at a Roy Rogers to eat on my way home from Drexel. It was at the the Peter J Camile rest area off the PA turnpike. All I wanted was some of those delicious mashed potatoes and two pieces of chicken. Normally you walk in, pick those things up, pay, and you're done. But not this time.

I walk in, use the restroom, and head to the restaurant area. There are three containers of mashed potatoes which we immediately put on our tray...and there's no chicken. I stand there patiently (kind of) and wait for someone to help me. There are two guys that look to be around 16-18, and they're hard at work discussing how fast their braincells disappear, so I figure I'll give them a few seconds to finish up. Except they don't seem to care, and I know that they see me. My mom heads over and I loudly inform her that I'm waiting for food, if anybody decides to help me. I guess someone in charge around there heard me, because a man told the guys to help me out. This is where it gets good.

A somewhat tall guy with no hair and bad teeth looks at me. And doesn't move. And just looks at me. Finally he leans toward the counter and says "Hi." All my troubles were washed away right there...he was clearly going to make my fast food dining experience pleasurable. I tell him I want some chicken, and he informs me that it needs to be made. Thank you, captain obvious. But it's what came next that really inspired me. "My friend, the dude...in the back. He's making some right now." I died a little inside. He has a friend?! A friend that's a dude, nonetheless! It'll be about fifteen minutes.

Three minutes later, he leans over and says "Are you waiting for chicken?" No, I was actually waiting for you, baby. Wtf? He then proceeds to update us about every five minutes on how long the chicken will take. I'm pretty sure he was trying to impress me with his math skills. It's too bad it actually took about ten minutes longer than he said it would. He must have noticed how annoyed I was while I waited, because after a while he decided to express how sorry he was about the wait. I believe it went something like this: "Duuude, I feel so BAD man, you guys actually stayed and waited for the food. You've been standing here ROCKIN' OUT this whole time." Yeah, that was too good to ignore, so I responded with "Yeah man, we're just rockin' out, having a good time." I don't think it phased him at all. A couple minutes later he comes up, arms in that whole TOUCHDOOOOWN position and exlaims that the chicken is ON THE TRAY. Five minutes later, we get our food, and he seems about as proud as the Steelers did the day before when they won their 6th Super Bowl.

On the bright side, the chicken was hot and still delicious. I barely ate any cause I ate my potatoes way too fast and was ready for a nap before I even sat down, but I finished it later that night during another long car ride, and it was still tasty even cold.

Thank you, Roy Rogers,for the wonderful experience.

Hello, hello. Hola!

Congratulations if you understood the subject came from U2. I actually just didn't know what to put there for my little introductory blurb so that's where my mind went. On the bright side, I can count in English and Spanish without jumping from three to fourteen. Even when I'm drunk. Seriously.

But let's get down to business. I have no expectations for people to actually read this, but in the event that anybody does, I want to explain.

The last two weeks had been completely dreadful, and I had the longest weekend ever. I was miserable, and withdrawing from Drexel had proven to be a lengthy process of waiting 30-45 minutes to sign my name on a piece of paper...a total of five times. Yeah, do the math. Anyway, I was ready to just go home and pass out for a week, but I was hungry. We stopped at a rest stop containing a Roy Rogers. My experience there was unbelievably ridiculous, albeit amusing. I'll save the details for a separate blog. But it inspired me to start this blog, so I could bitch and whine and make fun of things. Not that I'm good that or anything.

Why call it "Madam Sargasmic," you ask? (Let's be honest, you weren't actually wondering.) Well obviously this blog needed a name. I can never be witty when I really feel like I need to be and actually thought about this for a long time. Basically, I decided sarcasm was going to come into play somehow, because it's pretty much my middle name. I tend to like "asm" words...partly cause it sounds cool, partly 'cause I'm in love with someone who's initals happen to be ASM, and partly because it makes everything sound like orgasm. I'm immature and it makes me happy on the inside, okay? But you know, it still had to be creative and interesting. Basically, the madam part is simply because I like to call people madam. And because I refer to myself as a madam, not a Miss, Ms, or Misses. Sarcasm can easily be changed to sargasm...Which in urban dictionary is defined as "Deriving far too much satisfaction from glibly berating another with sarcasm." You can do the math.

So...hooray. Here goes nothing!